Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
