I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
