Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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