I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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