Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.