and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
