the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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