If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.