porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I looked at my own cervix.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke