sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dating After Heartbreak
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.