capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
