i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
