Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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