Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
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I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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