I got chris browned last night
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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