Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
