So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
