Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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