what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
