I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
