I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
