This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
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That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
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She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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