I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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