No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
