Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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