Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sobbing to NWA
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
