it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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