so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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