Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I enjoy the company of your penis
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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