I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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