I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
