just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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