so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
