You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
