She is in my trunk
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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