the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
