kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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