I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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