WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
