your parents love me but you hate me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
