Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
