I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
