i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
