Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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