I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
