we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
