And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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