She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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