To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
