theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
