Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
