Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize