i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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