I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just pee around me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
