I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
