Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
