my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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