one two three fourrrrnication!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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