with your own penis?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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