I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
