Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
