I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
