I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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