i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
