He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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