The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
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I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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