if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he shaved USA in his pubs
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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