We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
