He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it's not cheating when I paid for it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
